just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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