you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is Oprah even human
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
