So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
