i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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