I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
