it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
