does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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