We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
