Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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