Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
