She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
