When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
