you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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