U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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