wrigley field is MILF paradise
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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