I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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