Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need moral support for this bender
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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