i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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