i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
