i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
