I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
