I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
