D3 body, D1 cock
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
