Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
