That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
