Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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