Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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