The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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