so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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