So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
