Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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