based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
