mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
