So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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