When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize