Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
