There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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