why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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