I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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