I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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