If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
