Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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