i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
