So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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