saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
