so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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