I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
