Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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