i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
