u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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