Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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