allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
are you so shy because you have an std?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
