You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
