put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
