Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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