??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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