Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
