Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize