I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
