I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
